Monday, October 17, 2011

Loss

I really do not want to share this.  Today we went in for our 15 month check up.  Everything was going along nicely, until they went to find the heartbeat.  The doctor tried and tried and eventually took me to the ultrasound machine.  She could not find the heartbeat there and the baby was measuring three weeks small.  I was sent to hospital and had more ultrasounds done and was given the news that our special Blessing #4 is in Heaven.  To say we are heartbroken is an under estimate.  We feel this loss keenly.  In our minds we were a family of 6 and we feel incomplete.  My eyes are swollen and burning and it really feels like I should not be able to keep crying...but I do.  Since my body has not miscarried I have to have a surgery done.  Please keep our family in your prayers.

8 comments:

StephieD said...

This same thing happened to a friend of mine from Fort Hood. She was 12 weeks at the time. She was prayed over by the pastoral staff and when she went in for the surgery, Baby was alive and measuring ahead of schedule. Nothing is final until it is final. I will be praying for a miracle and if not, then at least comfort over your family.
I love you!!!

sanityseeker said...

I am so sorry for your loss, for you, for your husband, and for your kids. I pray you find comfort in God's embrace, and know that He is with you, even through this excruciating heart break.

Cathy said...

Kristen - I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Kim M. said...

I'm heartbroken for your family. This type of loss is never easy! I've lost 3 babies. Time does help, but I still wonder what might have been. Praying for you tomorrow during your surgery, for your recovery and your grieving.

Sara said...

Dear Kristen, I just read this now and am crying with you and praying for you. As you walk through the grief process and different thoughts/emotions come up, I ask that the Lord would walk with you and give you an understanding and peace that brings complete healing in every way. I know He loves you so very much, and He is holding your heart. Again, I am on my knees for you. Love in Christ, Sara

*Ross and Katy* said...

Oh no....I can't even begin to imagine the loss you are going through right now. We will be keeping you in our prayers and if there is anything we can do please let us know.

Carrie said...

I am sorry for your loss. It feels so empty and useless to say that, because each baby is a precious gift. Keep talking about it as much as you need to - a short life doesn't make it any less valuable.

Prayers for you and your family.

Perhaps this site would be helpful:
http://www.babylosscomfort.com/index.php

oliveplants said...

Kristen,
I'm so so sorry. I know how much you hurt and I wish I could make it go away. I can't, but I know Someone who can. I am praying comfort and peace for you and your sweet family. One thing that God revealed to me in one of my miscarriages when I was 17 weeks along was this....Our baby had a heart defect, it was later found out. If she had gone to term and been born, she would've been rushed to the NICU. She would've instantly been put on oxygen and had so many tubes and wires and masks put all over her little body and she would've struggled and hurt and been lonely and scared. And then, she would've eventually died because her problem was not compatible w/ life. When babies die this far along in a pregnancy, it is usually determined that there was a physical problem. But God showed great mercy in that he let her die inside my body where it was warm and comfortable. Maybe she heard my voice in her final moments and was at peace. She wasn't cold or scared and she didn't have things hooked up to her and been in the care of people who didn't hold her and didn't love her. She died peacefully inside me, her Mommy. I think that's a much better ending and I have been comforted by that so often.
I love you and am here if you need to talk or ask questions or whatever.
Allison